A Plum For The Great Pumpkinhead

It all started Sunday morning when Tynan commented on American corn as compared to English corn. After some editorialising on the subject, he asked why we call corn maize.

THIS MONK PARAKEET FLEW IN TO LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION.

San Geraldo and I said maize was the Native American term for corn. Tynan countered that, in the UK, corn was just another word for grain.

We thought Tynan might be making it all up (he often does), so I googled it.

Sure enough, Tynan knew what he was talking about (he often does).

In British English, corn retains its old generic meaning of "grain" (i.e., barley-corn, pepper-corn). In American English, corn has come to mean specifically — well — corn. Of course, San Geraldo and I had different names for corn when we were growing up. My family (New York City) called it corn-on-the-cob. San Geraldo's family (South Dakota) called that particular corn, sweet corn. They differentiated among sweet corn, field corn, corn for popping, and who knows what else.

"AND THEY THINK WE CHATTER INCESSANTLY."

Once we exhausted the topic, Elena commented, "Well, it's all just corn!"

San Geraldo responded, "Well, here, one word covers thirty different vegetables."

He went on, "What's pumpkin in Spanish? Calabeza! What's squash? Calabeza! What's yellow squash? Yellow calabeza!"

I began to laugh, while Elena looked perplexed, "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Calabeza!" he replied. "You call pumpkin and every kind of squash the same thing!"

"Calabaza!" Elena laughed. "The word is calabaza!"

"Oh, wait," said San Geraldo. "Calabeza is head!"

"Cabeza," I laughed. "Cabeza is head!"

Tynan then brought up another subject and congratulated himself (he often does) on speaking with such aplomb.

I looked at Elena and San Geraldo. I knew what was coming.

Elena queried, "What? What are you on about now?"

I said, "He didn't say 'a plum,' Elena. He said 'aplomb.' "

And then I turned to San Geraldo for the question I knew would still come.

WAIT FOR IT.... WAIT FOR IT...

Brow furrowed, San Geraldo looked across the table at me and asked, "What plum?!?"

And, given that the Christmas lights have now been lit here in Málaga, what could be more appropriate than this "Dance of the Sugar PLUM Fairy"?

Sailing Away

I love sales. But I hate Christmas shopping. And something I hate even more than Christmas shopping is Black Friday. I figured I had seen the last of that phenomenon when we left the USA for Spain. But Black Friday appears to be catching on all over the world. Most people (even Americans) have no idea why it's called Black Friday — probably because it's the beginning of the period when retailers finally show profits (black ink) instead of losses (red ink).


I was at El Corte Inglés Thursday afternoon. It's the largest department store group in Europe and Spain's only remaining department store chain. I was there because I felt like taking a walk and because I especially enjoy their Hipercor on the lower level. That's their chain of household and food products.

I wasn't concerned about the Black Friday sales and the hordes of shoppers those would bring the next day. But, when I arrived, the signs outside advertised Black Friday as, oddly, running from Thursday through Sunday at El Corte Inglés. Fortunately, no one seemed to care.

Anyway, there were some random racks and tables with 30 percent markdowns. Everything else was regular price. I'll stick to their standard winter and summer sales. And, from what I've heard from friends today, I will be avoiding the shops this weekend.

(Click the images to sale sail away with me.)

FROM THE TERRACE THURSDAY.

"THE CLOUDS ARE LIKE HEADLINES ON A NEW FRONTPAGE SKY."

An old feeling for me: My body's at home and my heart's in the wind.

Perseverance, Thy Name Is Dudo

A swallow flew through a drain hole on our terrace last week and then flew off. Dudo has been monitoring that drain ever since.

(Click the images, taken over several days, for a closer look.)

A MORE COMFORTABLE SPOT THIS MORNING.

AND THEN I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND HIM UNDER A CHAISE.

AND MUSY, TOO!  BUT HE DIDN'T LAST LONG;
JUST WONDERING WHAT DUDO HAS BEEN STARING AT.

Don't stop believing...

So What, I'm A Rock Star

I DON'T WANT THE
GUITAR, BUT I DO WANT
THE DISPLAY CASE.

We have a new piano! We went Friday to a great music shop, Organigrama Málaga, and the piano was delivered today. San Geraldo had done his research (he plays; I don't), so there was no real shopping, just paying. While we stood at the counter a rockstar wannabe was trying out an electric guitar. It was painful to hear.

San Geraldo had a piano when we met in 1981, an old baby grand; it was very old and not very grand. He sold the piano before we moved to Los Angeles in 1982. In 1987, after our second move following Los Angeles, I bought him a new upright piano for his birthday. We sold that in 1993 before we moved to San Diego where we bought a new baby grand. That moved to San Francisco with us in 1998. It had to be craned from our driveway onto the third-floor terrace of our house because it wouldn't fit up the stairs to the living room.

Not wanting to crane it back out, we sold the piano with the house when we left San Francisco in 2000. Then, in 2003 (after yet another move), we bought a digital piano for our home in Santa Barbara. That moved to Las Vegas with us in 2007 and, a year later, we sold it to our neighbours when we began to downsize.

I'd like to take lessons, but I'd also like to immediately be able to play like Elton John.

Or Rachmaninov.

ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN.

I might have to lower my expectations before I start. Fortunately, for everyone's sake, the piano is digital. I can just plug in the headphones and no one will ever know the truth (except me).

I wish that guitar player in the shop had been wearing headphones.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR NEW FLOORS, WOODWORK, AND PAINT.

Na na na na na na na, na na na na na na....

Dietary Supplements

Wednesday late afternoon, after a wonderful few hours spent with old friends from San Diego, I had an emotional crash. My other old friend, Self-Loathing, dropped in for a visit. I really need to end that friendship. I hate that guy.

I do not, however, hate San Geraldo. Knowing it would make me feel better, he picked up a bag of assorted chocolate bombones. They're a great mood-enhancer, an excellent aid for digestion, and a powerful dietary supplement before and after a workout. (I might be making that up).

ASSORTED BOMBONES.

FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES ONLY.
I THINK I WENT BEYOND THE RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE.

SO, MY LUNCH THE NEXT DAY. ENSALADA ALA SAN GERALDO.
(AVOCADO, PLUM, CLEMENTINE, MELON, CELERY, ALMONDS, CHEESE, AND TURKEY.)

SAN  GERALDO'S LUNCH ALA HIMSELF.
(MY PLATE FITS, WITH ROOM TO SPARE, ON THE PLACEMAT.)

AND THE DAY THAT FOLLOWED.
(PAPAYA, MANGO, PLUM, MELON, CELERY, ALMONDS, CHEESE, AND TURKEY.)

BECAUSE I WORRY ABOUT TOO MUCH PROTEIN.
(ROSCOS MADE BY JUAN CARLOS'S MOTHER. LIKE DONUTS... BUT BETTER.)

WHAT WAS LEFT WHEN I SAT DOWN TO BLOG.
DON'T WORRY; I DIDN'T DO IT ALONE. SAN GERALDO HAD 3 PIECES.

WHAT'S LEFT SINCE I...  UM... WAIT...

WHAT'S LEFT SINCE I SAT... AHEM

WHAT'S LEFT NOW SINCE I SAT DOWN TO BLOG.

So glad to be finished with that bag of chocolate. The Christmas sweets are now in the shops!

The Inmates Are Running The Asylum

One day, our niece-in-law Emily emailed her daughter Alice's teacher to let her know that Alice's grandparents, Linda (San Geraldo's sister) and Tom, would be picking her up from kindergarten the next afternoon.

Unnoticed by Emily as she typed, auto-correct changed "in-laws" to "inmates." (Or at least that's how Emily explained it to the teacher... and to Linda and Tom.)

Alice's teacher believed Emily and didn't call Social Services.

Linda was a second-grade teacher for more than 30 years. She loved her work and was exceptional at it. In addition to their granddaughter Alice (5), Linda and Tom have two other grandchildren, Eloise (8) and Bennett (11). They are the best grandparents, but Linda especially has the admiration of Tom and the rest of us. With her three grandchildren, she has unending love, patience, energy, and authority. If Grandma tells them once, they do it. (Alice is still training Grandpa.)

LINDA, OF COURSE.

Linda and Tom drive into Sioux Falls quite often to take care of the kids when Ryan and Emily have to travel or need some help.

SISTER LINDA AND SAN GERALDO.

Important Note:
No matter how exceptional Linda is, she is also, as I mentioned earlier, San Geraldo's sister.

The same week as the "inmates" email, Emily told Linda that she was having some window treatments fixed in the house. She asked if Linda could be there once it was scheduled. Linda said of course she could.

The next day, Emily asked Linda if she was available to be at the house that afternoon when the blind man came.

Perplexed, Linda asked, "Why is a blind man coming to the house and what do you want me to do with him?"

FOR YEARS I'VE WONDERED WHY THEY WERE POSED ON THE STOOL.
I FINALLY REALIZED: TO KEEP THEIR EASTER SHOES CLEAN!

As Linda told us, "I guess it runs in the family."

I am always aware that, in addition to the joy of having San Geraldo in my life, I have the added joy of Linda, Tom, and their loving family. Oh, and of course there's their entertainment value.

Barry Manilow has a song called "Linda."

Linda loves Barry Manilow.

But I just couldn't bring myself to do it (even though Barry Manilow touched my shoulder in a restaurant in Palm Springs in 2001, and we had a run-in at Kennedy Airport in 1974.

(Click here for the run-in  — it's a funny story — while you listen to "Jailhouse Rock" instead; Linda and Tom were two of the back-up dancers.)

Lucky, Lucky Me?

I took a long walk on the beach Monday and, as I strolled, I thought I'd pick up perhaps four pieces of sea glass to add to my collection. I was thinking about the standard colours I always find: light green, dark green, brown, and clear (frosted). I haven't come across another piece of yellow sea glass since I dropped one a few minutes after I discovered it (click here).

(Click any image. If you get as excited as I did, you just might [almost, nearly, but not quite] pee yourself.)

Everywhere I looked were beautiful translucent shells in a multitude of colours. These shells are always to be found here, but never have I seen them in this quantity and in such variety. I had already found my four pieces of glass and decided to start another collection.

After carefully pocketing my new treasures, I noticed one more bit of gold shining in the wet sand just beyond the shoreline. I bent down and discovered it was a piece of glass. Yellow glass! I placed it deep in my other pocket and it actually made it home with me. Simple pleasures are definitely the best.

How'd I get so lucky?

Erotic Tapas: Breast Men

BITE-SIZED.

I haven't stuck to my commitment of sampling at least one tapa erótica each day of the final five days of competition (click here). Today is the last day and I've only been to two places. Saturday night, we finally got back to Meson Salvador (with friends Tynan and Elena) for dinner and the tapa special.

The waiter, Ricardo, told us their theme was pechitos (little breasts). They were very tastefully (in every way) done. Bacon wrapped around sausage, topped by seasoned mash potato with a dollop of slightly spicy sauce; and in the centre of another bit of mashed potato, a heart- (or breasts-) shaped wedge of fried mash. It was charming and exceptionally delicious.

And, in case you don't know by now, the preceding paragraph is as close to 'cooking' as I comfortably get.

TAPA EROTICA AT MESON SALVADOR.

After dinner, San Geraldo told Ricardo he was in the mood for dessert and, before he could even order, Ricardo ran off to do something. We had no idea what. He soon returned with two chocolate chip mini-muffins topped with whipped cream.

POSTRE DE PECHITOS (DESSERT OF LITTLE BREASTS).
SAN GERALDO DID NOT SHARE!

Ricardo said he wanted to maintain the "little breast" theme. That's more breasts than San Geraldo has had in his lifetime.


Tetas y culo...

Spotted Dick In Spain

Our favourite English-style restaurant here in Fuengirola is, as you might already know, Sandpiper. Chef/Owner Jason recently added two new desserts. Jessica told me about them.

One of the new desserts is "Treacle Sponge," a traditional British dessert of sponge cake drizzled with treacle (golden syrup) and often served with custard.

Jessica was very unhappy to learn that the other dessert was called "Spotted Dick." I've heard of it before — the dessert, I mean. Well, come to think of it... Oh, never mind. Anyway, the dessert is commonly made with suet, flour and raisins, and served with custard.

Jessica (Spanish) was appalled and told Jason that, until the new menus were printed, she would write the desserts on a piece of paper. She was not going to say "Spotted Dick."

A few days later, there was more to the story. Ana, Jessica's mother and Jason's life and business partner, was told about the new desserts.

"Spotted Dick," she said.

No problem.

But then she tried "Treacle Sponge."

With Ana's Spanish accent, "Treacle Sponge" sounded like "Treacle Spunk." And no matter how many times she tried, it always came out the same.

When Jason stopped laughing, he told her what "spunk" was. Jessica had already told her about "dick." Ana said she would not be selling either until they were printed on the menu.

Friday night, I ordered Spotted Dick to share with San Geraldo.

When Jessica brought the dish to the table, San Geraldo asked (cluelessly), "Does the spotted dick have nuts?"

Jessica stood in stunned silence.

San Geraldo continued (still clueless), "Because I hate nuts."

Jessica walked away before I could tell her that I usually eat San Geraldo's nuts.

SPOTTED DICK, NO NUTS.

TREACLE SPUNK... I MEAN SPUNK... AHEM, SPONGE.

"Me mother says I must be quick to get me bit o' spotted dick."

Soon Within My Tapestry

As Carole King wrote, "My life has been a tapestry..."  And, although, the patterns of my life haven't always been harmonious, they at least continue to be interesting.

(Click the images to experience the symphony of colours and patterns here in Fuengirola on the Costa del Sol this month.) 

Interestingly, I don't see as much of this in summer when the town is mostly Spanish. (I just thought I'd mention that.)

FOREVER PLAID... 

AND SOMETHING ELSE.

Just what is it they're here for and, more importantly, where ought they go?

And, yes, I know this isn't actually an example of tapestry but I don't know any songs [that I like] about patchwork quilts.