Monday, December 4, 2017

The Dangers Of Food / Los Peligros De Los Alimentos

SAN GERALDO COOKS. I clean up. It's not that I can't cook. I just don't enjoy it. Besides, San Geraldo hates to clean up. It's a match made in heaven. If you don't know (or like) what you're doing, cooking can be dangerous. Sharp knives. Boiling oils. Hot stoves — and ovens. Microwaves. Not to mention Salmonella and E. Coli. I'm careless. I thought, however, that I had perfected the art of eating.

SAN GERALDO COCINA. Yo limpio la cocina después. No es que no pueda cocinar. Simplemente no lo disfruto. Además, San Geraldo odia la limpieza. Es un partido hecho en el cielo. Si no sabe (o le gusta) lo que está haciendo, cocinar puede ser peligroso. Cuchillos afilados. Aceites de ebullición. Placas calientes — y hornos. Microondas. Sin mencionar Salmonella y E. coli. Soy descuidado. Pensé, sin embargo, que había perfeccionado el arte de comer.


REMEMBER THE CAKE SAN GERALDO MADE FOR LUKE'S BIRTHDAY?
¿RECUERDAS LA TARTA SAN GERALDO HECHA PARA EL CUMPLEAÑOS DE LUKE?
WE HAD LEFTOVER APRICOTS AND FROSTING AT HOME.
TENÍAMOS RESTOS DE ALBARICOQUES Y CHOCOLATE GLASEADO.
AS CLOSE AS I SHOULD EVER GET TO COOKING.
LO MÁS CERCA QUE PUEDA LLEGAR A COCINAR.
I "COOKED" MY LUNCH OF LEFT-OVER CREAM CHEESE (FROM THE FILLING), ON RICE CAKES WITH JAM.
"COCINÉ" MI ALMUERZO DE RESTO DE LA PHILADELPHIA (DEL RELLENO DE LA TARTA), EN TORTITAS DE ARROZ CON MERMELADA.
I THEN DROPPED IT (TWICE) ON MY T-SHIRT AND JEANS. EVEN EATING IS HAZARDOUS.
LE CAYÓ (¡¡¡DOS VECES) EN MI CAMISETA Y VAQUEROS. INCLUSO COMER ES PELIGROSO.
DUDO, NOW CONCERNED ABOUT FOOD DANGERS, WATCHING THE BIRDS FROM THE SAFETY OF THE LIVING ROOM.
DUDO, AHORA PREOCUPADO POR LOS PELIGROS DE ALIMENTOS, MIRANDO A LOS PÁJAROS DE LA SEGURIDAD DEL SALÓN.

30 comments:

  1. I don't cook OR clear up (well, apart from the minimum necessary) - just like Dudo and Moose, who also survive without doing either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ray:
      I sometimes have to motivate myself to clean up, but my obsessive-compulsiveness takes over and it makes me much happier and much more relaxed when everything is in order. Wish I could do the same with my head!

      Delete
  2. That's a good reason to have houseboys in my case. But it bring about other hazards

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mistress maddie:
      Well, living dangerously can be a good thing.

      Delete
  3. spouse cooks & cleans up. I cook & spouse cleans up. works for us. the cats do nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. anne marie:
      Sounds like you got the best end of that deal. Spouse is a keeper!

      Delete
  4. Need a rag to clean it up? ;p
    Those chairs in the living room look so comfortable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KMoff:
      I hear red terrycloth works well. But, um, no thanks. The chairs are pretty comfortable. I'd love something a bit smaller. But they're from IKEA and it's easy to replace with their standard slipcovers. We've had three fabrics already in our 6 years here. Now that the cats aren't destroying them, we can even go upscale with a nicer texture next time.

      Delete
  5. I love to cook, and clean up only because I don't have on of Mistress's houseboys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Travel:
      I'd love to have those houseboys. I'd always be helping them clean up ... and cook.

      Delete
  6. That food is worth the risk!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wilma:
      I know. My rice cakes and cream cheese are a gourmand's delight.

      Delete
  7. But do you do the laundry?!? Best get something on that so it doesn't stail lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheapchick:
      Yep. I do the laundry, which reminds me that I've got an old story to tell about San Geraldo and laundry.

      Delete
  8. I am going to try out the rice cakes with cream cheese and a dollop of strawberry jam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heron:
      Feel free to share my recipe. Your variation -- strawberry -- would be even better. I had an open jar of raspberry.

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Adam:
      Daisy is a saint -- unless she also doesn't like to do either (or unless she doesn't like to do either either).

      Delete
  10. I cook AND cleanup in this household. What a bum deal. And at least you had the common sense to wear a jam colored shirt before you dropped jam all over it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Beer For The Shower:
      I wish I had been wearing my jam, cream cheese, and rice cake colored shirt!

      Delete
  11. Do you have any idea what a tease you are? I think you do, Mitchell. I think you do. Sigh.
    Send San Geraldo my way anytime.
    Oh, and you too. I don't like doing dishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Robyn:
      I am GREAT at clean-up. Jerry is BRILLIANT at cooking and baking.

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. Bob:
      I had a colleague who told me I ate food that tasted like packing material (power bars, fake chocolate protein bars, rice cakes). I asked her how she knew what packing material tasted like.

      Delete
  13. Mitchell this is Ron. Ron this is Mitchell!!

    Can't believe ALL that cake is gone!! YUMMY!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jim:
      I am honored to be in such good company. We left the remaining half-cake with Pedro and Kathleen despite their arguments. It took them more than a week to finish it. Jerry and I would have plowed through it in two days.

      Delete
  14. I'm a fairly good cook and I can whip up a lot of dishes, but for the sake of my marriage I try and stay out of the kitchen, but I make myself useful when it comes gto washing dishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen:
      I stay out of Jerry's way. If he's doing a big cooking project, he'll call out "Clean up in the kitchen." I'll keep things caught up.

      Delete

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