Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Who Needs A Vasectomy? / ¿Quién Necesita Una Vasectomía?

Hay una versión español después de la versión inglés.

TWO YEARS AGO, I wrote about my torn retina (click here). This past Sunday, while I swatted at imaginary flies, I realized something was up with my eye again. Incessant floaters. Monday, the vision in the bottom left of my eye was cloudy. Allergies? That night, it was worse and I told San Geraldo I needed to go to the ophthalmologist the next morning. Tuesday I woke up with a liquidy red mass in the lower vision of my eye (blood). Urgent Care.

I've got a detached retina and need surgery — a vitrectomy. I was none too happy when I left the doctor's office. San Geraldo went to get the car.

I was made even less happy when as San Geraldo called to me from the car, I turned to his voice but kept walking and rammed my knee into a concrete bench.

When we got home (a 20-minute drive), I realized I had left my insurance card and residency card with the receptionist. My father's voice rose in my head to tell me what a stupid moron I was and San Geraldo's voice rose even higher to tell me I was a good person and it was no big deal to drive back. He did.

This morning, he had to take me to the hospital at 7:30 for pre-op prep — blood tests, EKG, chest X-ray. Thursday morning, he has to drive me back for the surgery. That's why I call him Saint.
The reason for the blog title
When I read the form the doctor had filled out to obtain insurance approval, I thought he wrote "VASECTOMY." I have no idea what good that would do. You could put someone's eye out with that thing.

HACE DOS AÑOS, escribí sobre mi retina rasgada (haz clic aquí). El domingo pasado, mientras aplastaba moscas imaginarias, me di cuenta de que algo estaba pasando nuevamente por mi ojo. Flotadores incesantes. El lunes, la visión en la parte inferior izquierda de mi ojo estaba nublada. Alergias? Esa noche, fue peor y le dije a San Geraldo que tenía que ir al oftalmólogo a la mañana siguiente. El martes me desperté con una masa roja líquida en la parte inferior del ojo (sangre). Urgencias.

Tengo una retina desprendida y necesito cirugía — una vitrectomía. No estaba muy feliz cuando salí de la oficina del doctor. San Geraldo fue a buscar el auto.

Me sentí aún menos feliz cuando San Geraldo me llamó desde el automóvil y me volví hacia su voz, pero seguí caminando y metí la rodilla en un banco de hormigón.

Luego, cuando llegamos a casa (20 minutos), me di cuenta de que había dejado mi tarjetas de seguro y de residencia con la recepcionista. La voz de mi padre se alzó en mi cabeza para decirme qué yo era un estúpido idiota y la voz de San Geraldo se elevó aún más para decirme que yo era una buena persona y que no era un gran problema para regresar. Él hizo.

Esta mañana, tuvo que llevarme al hospital para análisis de sangre, electrocardiograma, y radiografía de tórax. El jueves por la mañana, él tiene que llevarme a la cirugía. Es por eso que lo llamo Santo.
El motivo del título del blog
Cuando leí el formulario que el médico había rellenado para obtener la aprobación del seguro, pensé que él escribió "VASECTOMÍA". No tengo idea de qué bien haría eso. Podrías quitarle el ojo de alguien con eso.
1962. I'D BLAME THIS, BUT IT'S THE WRONG EYE.
1962: YO CULPERÍA A ESTO, PERO ES EL OJO EQUIVICADO.
EVEN WORSE: I SCRAPED RIGHT THROUGH MY BRAND NEW NIKE PANTS!
TODAVÍA PEOR: ¡RASPÉ MIS NUEVOS PANTALONES DE NIKE!

28 comments:

  1. Oh heavens! I will be thinking of you (though you'll be done before I even wake up), and hoping all goes very, very well.
    That San Geraldo.... what a good guy :) Just what you deserve, too :)
    Judy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Judy:
      All went well. Today so far is much better than the first three days. And Jerry has been the best.

      Delete
  2. Rut row !! So sorry cuz !! So lucky to have The saint ! ❤️

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  3. sexy leg shot! I can see how you could mix up "vitrectomy" and "vasectomy". but a vasectomy in your case would be a waste of time. (wink wink)

    good luck; bless SG for supporting you in your hour of need. the cats will nurse you back to health.

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    Replies
    1. anne marie:
      A vasectomy might have come in handy about 40 years ago. So glad the doctor got it right though.

      Delete
  4. Oh my-my, there-there. It sounds like you caught it in time, from what I have read it is a relatively easy surgery. You will be gazing at the ocean while be waited on hand a foot by the Saint. Let the louder voice prevail, you are a good person.

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    Replies
    1. Travel:
      If I had caught it a couple of days sooner, it might have only been torn and not detached. Can't gaze at the ocean. But I'm hoping to get out for a brief (and careful) walk today with my big dark glasses and a hat. Thanks for the encouragement. It's amazing how powerful that voice is. My father was a good man. He's been gone more than 30 years and the good and bad parts of him still live in my head.

      Delete
  5. I'm so sorry about your eye! But how lucky you are to have a Saint in residence to take good care of you! Please don't be so hard on yourself.

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    Replies
    1. Jennifer:
      Jerry is such a great care-giver and moral supporter!

      Delete
  6. You poor dear...your having quite the time lately. Please let San Geraldo nurse his little baby back.

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    Replies
    1. mistress maddie:
      It hasn't been the best few months, has it?!? Jeez!

      Delete
  7. Oh boy......I am hopeful that all will go well as these operations are very common and successful.
    Last week I went to our ophthalmologist. A few days before I had acquired two new floaters that were very distracting. She said that, for these, there isn't much one can do other than 'getting used' to them and training the brain to not see them. She also said that I could be a candidate for a detached retina due to the fact that my eyeballs are oblong (thus I am nearsighted). So, if it helps, Mitch, you are not alone in this buddy. Please take care and let SG do his thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jim:
      In all my recent reading i did see that detached retina is more common if you're near-sighted. I apparently had deterioration of the outer edges of my retina, which is what caused it to tear easily and finally detach. I was told the surgery normally lasted anywhere form a half hour to three hours. Mine took just over an hour. I was surprised at how little time was spent at the hospital. We arrived at 9 and left at 12:15. Hope you don't have to experience this. It's a pain in the eye!

      Delete
  8. I hope you're not in any pain. Good luck tomorrow with your surgery. I know all your blog fans will be thinking of you! May everything go well and you heal quickly too.

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    Replies
    1. Debra:
      No pain before the surgery. Some after the surgery but the first day was the worst. It's so much better in every way today.

      Delete
  9. Sounds very stressful. Hope you are all fixed up in no time. SG sure lives up to his sainthood.

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    Replies
    1. Wilma:
      And I was being ironic when I dubbed him San Geraldo. Who knew?!?

      Delete
  10. I will keep a good thought for you and your retina, and also San Geraldo, and your knee, and I will telepathically advise Dudo and Moose to sit on you and purr once you return home. There is nothing more healing than a purring cat. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Snoskred:
      Dudo stared at the patch and spent the night next to my head. Moose doesn't seem to be aware that anything has changed and he expects me to bend down to him constantly.

      Delete
  11. Sending healing thoughts your way!

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    Replies
    1. Walt the Fourth:
      Thanks. They appear to be working.

      Delete
  12. What a downer! Thinking of you - which I hope, along with everyone else's thoughts, will help at the very least in giving you some comfort.

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  13. I'm sorry to hear that

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  14. Ooh boy. I hope everything turns out all right with you. Good thing you have San Geraldo.

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    Replies
    1. Kirk:
      I thank my lucky stars every day for San Geraldo.

      Delete

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